COLUMBUS, OHIO, March 18 (Hurry up News Of The World) -- The American flag waves gently over a State Capitol that has seen -- and survived -- harder times than these. In fact, these are happy times, reports Governor Ted Strickland. "All across the United States, the European Union -- indeed, The West -- G8 nations and allies are in a hard-fought race to entice immigrants to our shores. Or, if we have no shores -- like the fine state of Ohio, and also Luxembourg -- to our streets and pavement and homes and factories and cafes, etc. We'd like to announce, with the arrival of Metin Hamsioglu -- I'm sorry, I believe I mispronounced that -- we here in Columbus are welcoming our 415,000th immigrant. And we couldn't be happier."
Metin Hamsioglu, a native of Trabzon by way of Kreuzberg, Berlin, reports he is very happy to be in Columbus, and was suprised at reports that there are two Turkish restaurant in Columbus city limits: Cafe Shish Kebab and Cafe Istanbul. "There used to be three," local news anchor Andrea Cambern reports, "But the third one closed down when the chef got deported. Good times."
Hamsioglu -- the son of Gamzeh and Ahmed Hamsioglu of the Black Sea region of northern Turkey -- also reported that he is looking forward to joining the Electrical Egineering program at Ohio Satte University, which has accepted him for Spring enrollment. He also reported that already the people of Columbus were much friendlier than the Krauts he had to live with in Berlin. He is not quoted here directly, as his English is not yet up to snuff, but he reports he's working on that.
"Is Luxembourg a country?" Governor Strickland asked an aide nearby, closing the State House ceremony. "Is it landlocked?"
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